You can elaborate more on your involvement in team activities, especially in the organizing of events. As what you have done in the previous paragraph, after the writing the details, you can explain how your skills will be an asset for the company, perhaps by providing examples on projects or certain areas of the company that you can work on based on your skills. (Suppose you know the company quite well)
Instead of using "do not have much experience", you may wish to consider "new in this area" etc, that is to say, avoid negative connotations.
I'm not sure whether it would be more appropriate to write "listed on the Jobstreet website" or it would be sufficient enough to provide the web address.
If you wish to provide examples as backup, consider writing "My past experiences in the army as a BMTC specialist..." or similar.
The third paragraph, "always open to new concepts and ideas" doesn't seem to tie in very well with your "quasi-magnetic monopole". perhaps it would be sufficient to use that monopole project to exemplify your individual creativity and ability to "think out of the box". Since it certainly doesn't seem easy to create a monopole from household parts.
It might be better to use another example to show your ability to work in a group. The chess competition if you won a decent high level prize, could instead be used to show your logic thinking skills? Something to that effect.
Sincerely doesn't require a comma. I guess there is no issue using "Sincerely" instead of "Yours sincerely"
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ReplyDeleteHi Zi Yang. Here are some suggestions:
ReplyDeleteYou can elaborate more on your involvement in team activities, especially in the organizing of events. As what you have done in the previous paragraph, after the writing the details, you can explain how your skills will be an asset for the company, perhaps by providing examples on projects or certain areas of the company that you can work on based on your skills. (Suppose you know the company quite well)
Instead of using "do not have much experience", you may wish to consider "new in this area" etc, that is to say, avoid negative connotations.
:)
I'm gonna be a bit informal here, pardon me.
ReplyDeleteColon after "Dear Ms Teo" is redundant.
I'm not sure whether it would be more appropriate to write "listed on the Jobstreet website" or it would be sufficient enough to provide the web address.
If you wish to provide examples as backup, consider writing "My past experiences in the army as a BMTC specialist..." or similar.
The third paragraph, "always open to new concepts and ideas" doesn't seem to tie in very well with your "quasi-magnetic monopole". perhaps it would be sufficient to use that monopole project to exemplify your individual creativity and ability to "think out of the box". Since it certainly doesn't seem easy to create a monopole from household parts.
It might be better to use another example to show your ability to work in a group. The chess competition if you won a decent high level prize, could instead be used to show your logic thinking skills? Something to that effect.
Sincerely doesn't require a comma. I guess there is no issue using "Sincerely" instead of "Yours sincerely"
Hope I'm not too naggy haha.